Absolutely Unattainable Resolutions

It's time to disappoint myself again!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Whether you’re toasting or tidying or hibernating, I raise my glass to your health and wealth in the year to follow. It’s sure to be a shitshow, so resolution accordingly.

I’m considering the following resolutions for 2025:

• Only drink water for an entire year. Absolutely no other beverages.

• Delete all shopping apps from my phone and deactivate all the web accounts. (Web? Desktop? Laptop? What do we even call shopping on computers these days?)

• Abandon social media like I’ve done so many blogger accounts and shopping carts. Solely report proof of life on Substack. I tried to do this earlier in 2024, but I’m addicted. What can I say?

• As much as possible, only shop locally. Lemme tell you, Liberty is a corporate shithole that will make this nearly impossible, especially as a one-car household. I’ve been scouting this likelihood for months.

• WRITE THAT BOOK. Ok, ok. Whoa. Maybeeeee….

• WRITE THAT STORY. Orrrr…

• SUBMIT TO *ANY* OPEN CALL

• Fine. FINISH THAT DRAFT.

• Apply to grad school, get accepted, and START MY MASTER’S. This is mostly an application resolution because I know I’ll get in. But will I get in fully funded? That’s the tricky bit.

• Sell the house? Keep the house? Everyone’s got a fuckin’ opinion on this one, but no one’s tossing me extra scratch for the new this, replace that, impending upgrade …she’s a beaut, but if you own a house, you get it. The anxiety’s akin to living with an abusive person; WHEN’S IT ALL GONNA COME CRASHING DOWN AGAIN?

• See how long I can go without shopping for anything NEW outside food and medication, only bartering and thrifting for thrills, decor etc. The reward once I achieve this goal would, of course, be to shop for something new.

• 52 weeks savings plan = tickets to Paris 2026. We were gonna go for my 40th (June 2025) but it’s not in the cards. Well, it’s not in the bank.

  • ADD TO THE PIGGY BANK

    

My resolutions revolve around stopping/quitting things like shopping, because I don’t love how I spend my free time. Prior to this teaching sabbatical, I hadn’t had a whole day off that wasn’t a sick day in months. I do that. I get buried in work because I never say no. I schedule work on my breaks, in the evenings, on the weekends. It takes no time for me to lose all sense of joy when I’m perpetually behind. I devolve into a tired, grumpy bitch whose own creativity molds in the back of the hyperbolic closet while my friendships hang on by a thread. I would like to resolve to stop living like that. The complication is it isn’t like quitting smoking, where I could pretend it’s just one action - not to smoke. No, I’m well-versed in personal evolution and I know if I only drink water, or I ambition to seriously limit shopping as a source of dopamine, I will have to deal with the many, many parts of myself that hate this fucking idea and want to speak to the idiot in charge.

UGH.

CHANGE IS SO MUCH GODDAMN WORK.

Speaking of change, look at what my Ashley created for my Substack branding.

Ashley is good at so many things, but enviably, all things creative. I’m in constant awe of her creativity, which has played a huge role in our love and connection. She early-gifted me an Apple pen for Christmas, and I’ve been drawing like crazy, mostly sexually suggestive celestial beings to text to her in our seemingly infinite downtime. PRAISE BE!

Man, self-employed people and remote workers - Y’ALL HAVE IT GOOD. Please don’t take it for granted as I did all those years. I’ve been back at the 9-5 since February and lemme tell ya, even loving my job, being somewhere all day is prison.

Anyway, Ashley’s too shy and too humble to admit she’s good at these things, which, frankly, I don’t understand because if the good Lord had blessed me with the abilities to photograph, write, paint, draw and sing (SHE SINGS!) good gravy, I’d be INSUFFERABLE.

Anyway, we’ve settled in for the long Winter’s nap. It’s Christmas Eve, and we hardly leave our beds today. (A Sick kid can be a blessing when you’re a maxed-out introvert in a very extrovert-activity season).

Our home is beautiful. She’s hung a twinkle light in every possible corner. Tomorrow all three boys will be here bright and early to celebrate before heading to their Dad’s.

I don’t know what resolution, if any, my willpower will muster the effort to endeavor in 2025. But I know I will prioritize my personal well-being and intentional community like never before. The only way we’ll weather this impending storm is TOGETHER.

Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah friends.

I love you all,

Frances